In this series of “Looking at Occupations” we are talking to people who have found satisfaction and reward in unusual vocations.

Our next guest is Mr. Nicely Evergreen.  I understand that you changed your name by deed poll to better fit your chosen vocation of Tree Cleaner.  Is that so?

A. Yes, I changed my name to Evergreen from Scorchedearth.

Q.  I assume that you also changed your first name.

A. No.  I am quite happy with my given name of Nicely. 

Q. Of course; who wouldn’t be?  Tell us how you came to be involved in Tree Cleaning.

A. I was placing a bird house on the branch of a tree in my parents’ backyard when I first became aware that trees can be very untidy places.   There was a collection of droppings on the branch which were both unsightly and obviously unhealthy.

Q. Wouldn’t the weather clean that up.  I would think a bit of rain should wash the branch clean in time.

A. A common misconception, and not the only one.   Birds, possums and occasionally other animals defecate in trees, splattering branches, trunks, and leaves.  This in turn bakes hard in the sunlight and ordinary rain simply can not budge it!

Then there are the dead leaves and twigs.  People mistakenly believe that old dead brown leaves are simply replaced on a regular basis by new shiny green leaves.  WRONG!

The dead leaves get caught up in the twigs and forks in branches.  The resulting debris decays there like rotten food stuck between your teeth.  If simply left, over time the entire branch will decay and wither.

Q. Is there a demand for your services?  I mean sufficient to keep you busy on a year round basis?

A. Unfortunately the answer is no.  Tree cleaning is very seasonal.  Particularly in those areas where it snows heavily during winter. 

People just do not seem to care much about the condition of trees when they are covered with snow.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Q. And, how do you occupy your time during those periods.

A. I run for political office. 

Q. Every year?

A. There is always an election happening somewhere and an amazing number of people willing to contribute to worthy causes.  Certainly sufficient to meet my election expenses and the bribes see me through the rest of my needs.

Q. Bribes?  Isn’t it illegal for elected officials to accept bribes?

A. Of course it is! And if I am ever elected I would never consider accepting a bribe.  However, there is no law saying that you cannot accept a bribe if you are NOT an elected official.  The lobby groups cover the field just in case someone manages to get up that they hadn’t expected.  As there is very little chance that I would ever get elected on the “Keep Our Trees Clean” ticket, I’m unlikely to ever have a problem. 

Q. Well, that does give a new view of an old issue.

Finally, would you recommend to others that they look into taking up this rather unique profession?

A. Oh NO!  At least not in this country.  It’s overcrowded now.  There simply    isn’t room for anyone else. 

Q. Really?  I wouldn’t have thought that there were that many tree cleaners around.

A. I’m sorry, I misunderstood you.  I thought you were referring to people running for election. This country NEEDS all the tree cleaners it can get.  Properly qualified ones of course, not just riff raff off the streets. 

Unlike politics, this is an HONOURABLE profession. 

Thank you for this insight into yet another rather uncommon vocation.

©  FC Mickey Benefiel