News Article   London 12 May, 1897

Pandemonium reigned when a man threw himself in front of a member of the household cavalry during a parade in honour of the visiting King of Slewing-Holstein.   He reportedly struck a horse with a paving stone, causing it to bolt and throw its rider.   Other horses joined in a wild race down the avenue, panicking the crowd of mainly overseas visitors which had assembled on this sunny afternoon. 

The First Battalion, which had finished the parade route and was returning to barracks, was over run.  Several members suffered bruising and there was considerable damage to uniforms and equipment.  All of the horses have since been recovered.

The man was identified as one Hubert Dumpty, also known to locals as “Humpty”.  He is reported to have suffered concussion.  He is now under guard in Royal London Hospital where attempts are being made to mend a fractured skull. 

News Flash:

Hubert “Humpty” Dumpty was released from hospital today, but remains in custody, after attempted surgery failed to mend a fracture to the back of his skull.  He will be remanded in court tomorrow, charged with assault with the intention to cause havoc.

The State Vs Hubert Dumpty

It is alleged that on 12 May, 1897 at 1:28 PM one Hubert Dumpty; the defendant; caused a serious affront to the dignity of the nation by interrupting the march past in honour of the visiting King of Slewing-Holstein.  This incident resulted in the household cavalry over running the First Battalion which was returning to barracks at the time

The following is an excerpt from the trial.

Defence Lawyer:  In your own words, would you please tell us exactly what occurred.

Defendant:  I had no intention of causing any problem.  In fact of matter, I am a staunch supporter of the King.  I merely wanted to get a good position for viewing the march past, so I climbed up on a garden wall which fronted the street. 

As the horse guard was passing by I felt a patriotic urge to stand at attention.  As I stood up, the brick on which I was standing broke loose, resulting in my falling to the ground.  The brick hit a horse on the rump. That’s what started the stampede.  I landed hard and was unconscious most of the rest of the time.

Judge:  I find the defendantguilty ofbeing over zealous.

Dear Sheila,

I was SO disappointed for you when I heard about your Hubert’s latest goings on.  What was he thinking of, climbing up on the crumbling old wall?  It’s a wonder he is still alive. 

And to spoil the Kings parade!  What a disgrace.  Not that he is King over very much of anything.  Where is Slewing-Holstein, anyway?  It sounds like a dairy farm or one those places where they fatten cattle for market.  

I felt very badly for the poor horses.  And those marching soldiers that got run down.  My neighbour says most of the damage was from them dropping their riffles when they were panicked by the horses.   Some army!  What would they do if someone shot at them?

You must do something to bring his impulsive nature under control.  One day he will do serious damage to himself and they will never get him put back together. 

While I know that he is very clever with science and such, I never could understand why you married an egghead in the first place.

Love,  Mother                        

©  FC Mickey Benefiel